It's approxiametly 12 days before my birthday. Each hour that passes makes me realize that I'm getting old and with age is supposed to come wisdom. I fear that there's one great thing that sometimes withholds wisdom from enticing me with it's sentiments: procrastination.
Time and time again it's been said, "Make sure you do this on time" or "Don't forget to (you fill in the blank). We are people subject to time and as the days grow by, I try to analyze my reaction each time and what I do, does not coincide with how I feel. I'm a youth leader at my church so I'm aware of what it means to prioritze. "Why can't I compel myself to do it in school work? It was easier in high school", I tell myself but of course, as always. I, like anyone else, would want to use an excuse to justify myself than believe and change who I am. It takes structure. It takes discipline. It takes active listening skills to keep away from the idea of procrastination becoming a sin in my life.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
"Sometimes Silence Can Speak so Loud"
I took the name of the post from a song by R. Kelly, a familiar song at that: "I believe I can fly". I didn't understand what he meant until I had an encounter with my mother.
Last Saturday, I woke up seeing my mother standing in my bedroom around 11 a.m. She wasn't hovered over me but she chose the closet to be the place where she stood. Thinking about it, it seems funny that she would want to spend time dwelling in the depths of the crap I call my clothing as opposed to attending to her own needs. As opposed to the regularly scheduled scolding that would take place, she just stood there. It was as though the Statue of Liberty were her role model, and likewise she stood silent. I think it's safe to stay that she tried to be a metaphor, an emblem perhaps but I did not know how to deconstruct this symbol's meaning. Her hands were seemingly upon her waist (perhaps her hips), her eyes simple, direct and strong, and her stance, firm. The only meaning I could derive was hope.
It's a desire that is concentrated towards something yet simple enough to have a distinct meaning for many to understand and listen to. Its something people know but disregard, but sometimes it takes silence to generate an audience. Her feet were planted, I presumed, to show that hope is something that we can both be firm in. For her, it was the hope that I would listen, for me it was to hope that the task would be accomplished in a timely fashion. When I understood, I got up and told her " Lady Liberty would be proud". She looked confused and with that I gave her a hug and a kiss and begin to organize the heaps of clothing. Sometimes listening begins where the talking stops.
Last Saturday, I woke up seeing my mother standing in my bedroom around 11 a.m. She wasn't hovered over me but she chose the closet to be the place where she stood. Thinking about it, it seems funny that she would want to spend time dwelling in the depths of the crap I call my clothing as opposed to attending to her own needs. As opposed to the regularly scheduled scolding that would take place, she just stood there. It was as though the Statue of Liberty were her role model, and likewise she stood silent. I think it's safe to stay that she tried to be a metaphor, an emblem perhaps but I did not know how to deconstruct this symbol's meaning. Her hands were seemingly upon her waist (perhaps her hips), her eyes simple, direct and strong, and her stance, firm. The only meaning I could derive was hope.
It's a desire that is concentrated towards something yet simple enough to have a distinct meaning for many to understand and listen to. Its something people know but disregard, but sometimes it takes silence to generate an audience. Her feet were planted, I presumed, to show that hope is something that we can both be firm in. For her, it was the hope that I would listen, for me it was to hope that the task would be accomplished in a timely fashion. When I understood, I got up and told her " Lady Liberty would be proud". She looked confused and with that I gave her a hug and a kiss and begin to organize the heaps of clothing. Sometimes listening begins where the talking stops.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Not Exactly My Ideal Audience....
So there's this friend of mine. She's quite the charmer. We've known each other for such a long time that it seems like eons more than it does decades. She's seen it all. The tears I've cried, she's shared, the smiles we've had, she's caused. She's amazing. She inspires me to be a better me. One of the most benevolent creatures I know and yet, nothing in life is quite as it seems. There's this character flaw, that's more of a decision made than it is an alternative forced. She's....not exactly my ideal audience.
Her name is quite common. It's mother. She can be so indifferent to every and everything said that it makes me (or even you) want to scream. Its like motive to pounce but you can't act on impulse so you rest aside those ill-begotten thoughts and relax. It's the same way that a conversation works. Not every conversation that someone will have will direct a response that is pleasing to the ears. The ideal audience is always going to be one that approves of everything that comes out of your mouth because no one likes being told they're wrong or that they need to change etc. Truth is, it's the hardest thing to find.
A friend of mine always tells me that it's the people who want the best for us that we want to reject from our lives. The reason we want to reject them is no different from the reason why we would want someone as simple as a mother (parents, in retrospect) to be removed sometimes from our presence: conflict. They bring conflict about the choice of words spoken, attire, behaviour and everything else that one may find to be irrelevant. But, conflict precedes change. When there is conflict, there's always room for improvement and little by little we approach an equilibrium of character. I guess...sometimes, having an audience that's NOT ideal is beneficial.
Her name is quite common. It's mother. She can be so indifferent to every and everything said that it makes me (or even you) want to scream. Its like motive to pounce but you can't act on impulse so you rest aside those ill-begotten thoughts and relax. It's the same way that a conversation works. Not every conversation that someone will have will direct a response that is pleasing to the ears. The ideal audience is always going to be one that approves of everything that comes out of your mouth because no one likes being told they're wrong or that they need to change etc. Truth is, it's the hardest thing to find.
A friend of mine always tells me that it's the people who want the best for us that we want to reject from our lives. The reason we want to reject them is no different from the reason why we would want someone as simple as a mother (parents, in retrospect) to be removed sometimes from our presence: conflict. They bring conflict about the choice of words spoken, attire, behaviour and everything else that one may find to be irrelevant. But, conflict precedes change. When there is conflict, there's always room for improvement and little by little we approach an equilibrium of character. I guess...sometimes, having an audience that's NOT ideal is beneficial.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
"If speaking is silver, then listening is gold." — Turkish Proverb
I was on the train one day commuting home last week after a long week of hard work, and on the way, I fell asleep. It was supposed to rain that week so the amount of items I carried felt like it overwhelmed me and as I slept, some of them fell. Immediately, I woke up and the lady beside me, who seeing and recognizing what had happened looked down and watched me pick up the items. I said, "Thank you" being slightly sarcastic and she in reply, "You're welcome", as though she did a random act of kindness. I was shocked by the audacity, she felt as though she accomplished something by watching me pick up my items as opposed to helping me pick them up. What happened to the spirit of brotherly love that thrived??? Has the "cold shoulder" become the common expression of being social?? I'm not sure but what was very peculiar to me was her action.
She didn't hear what happened, she listened, so much so that she was able to respond. Being a listener does not limit one to thought, speaking alone does that; listening opens up doors of wisdom for those who are willing to take initiative with it, be it helping someone who's dropped something or giving ear to the problem of someone. Listening is and can be as precious as gold for those who value the simplicity of the word.
She didn't hear what happened, she listened, so much so that she was able to respond. Being a listener does not limit one to thought, speaking alone does that; listening opens up doors of wisdom for those who are willing to take initiative with it, be it helping someone who's dropped something or giving ear to the problem of someone. Listening is and can be as precious as gold for those who value the simplicity of the word.
Who said listening was a matter of orality???
This week was what I'd like to call "The Eye Opener". It was my rude awakening about college life. I received my first papers back on the premise that "reaching for the stars to land on the moon" would give me a good outcome. Who says you can't dream? I thought the promise of a B+, at most ,wouldn't be out of reach.
When I my paper was given to me, either personally or via email, my expectations were met. I was ecstatic and upon each of my papers was a comment, the part most people overlook because nobody wants to or likes to give ear to bad news. Comments are an overall assessment of your paper, the pros and cons of it, but they tend to be more critical than praiseworthy. For those received via email, I felt as though I was being cyber bullied and those received personally, it was like they had a disgruntled feeling for not having lunch that day and I was the best person to be thrashed. Upon each of my papers was rhetorical brutality that I could not defend myself against because the crime was in the words, my words and how they were used. Rhetorical because professors speak, at least I believe, when they write these words and consider their arrangement. My part, the hardest part, was to be a student accept this mandate they call "constuctive criticism".
When I received these words, a piece of pride is bruised at the expense of these words and sadness is the adjacent feeling...so what's next?? To wallow in self pity or to disregard these words because of anger?? I find that the matter is solved when you listen. When I received the syllabus for rach class, it was like a social contract and it, I signed away my own discretion to place my trust in theirs. So what price do I pay when I listen?? Improvement. Success is small steps of progrssion and what better place to start than with education? I can make words on paper be the illustration of a reality I choose when I listen.
When I my paper was given to me, either personally or via email, my expectations were met. I was ecstatic and upon each of my papers was a comment, the part most people overlook because nobody wants to or likes to give ear to bad news. Comments are an overall assessment of your paper, the pros and cons of it, but they tend to be more critical than praiseworthy. For those received via email, I felt as though I was being cyber bullied and those received personally, it was like they had a disgruntled feeling for not having lunch that day and I was the best person to be thrashed. Upon each of my papers was rhetorical brutality that I could not defend myself against because the crime was in the words, my words and how they were used. Rhetorical because professors speak, at least I believe, when they write these words and consider their arrangement. My part, the hardest part, was to be a student accept this mandate they call "constuctive criticism".
When I received these words, a piece of pride is bruised at the expense of these words and sadness is the adjacent feeling...so what's next?? To wallow in self pity or to disregard these words because of anger?? I find that the matter is solved when you listen. When I received the syllabus for rach class, it was like a social contract and it, I signed away my own discretion to place my trust in theirs. So what price do I pay when I listen?? Improvement. Success is small steps of progrssion and what better place to start than with education? I can make words on paper be the illustration of a reality I choose when I listen.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Are your thoughts in good hands?
What exactly makes someone a good listener?? Is it the attentiveness of the eyes? Their body languages that gestures that they are considering your thoughts? No. It is simply their response. Responses jusitfy understanding. You see what you are saying in another person's eyes. In general, it distinguishes the hearers from the listeners.
I was speaking to a friend and found that she wasn't listening to me..the hard way. She stared deeply into my eyes, nodding her head, but when I asked her a question, she stared at me aimlessly. Being a good listener bears just as much weight as being a good friend. They are both held in high regard because they make each other what they are. But there's a catch, it takes one to be one. If you want someone to be a good listener to you, then you have to have the courtesy to be a good listener yourself. Many people expect to be listened to but cannot enjoy that privilege because it requires them to rectify their own ways. Words spoken are like a privilege, and not everyone is selected to receive them. They are said to a selective few in the hopes that they will value these thoughts from the speaker. In my case, my thoughts weren't valued, they were ignored. So consider this reader, are your thoughts in good hands?
I was speaking to a friend and found that she wasn't listening to me..the hard way. She stared deeply into my eyes, nodding her head, but when I asked her a question, she stared at me aimlessly. Being a good listener bears just as much weight as being a good friend. They are both held in high regard because they make each other what they are. But there's a catch, it takes one to be one. If you want someone to be a good listener to you, then you have to have the courtesy to be a good listener yourself. Many people expect to be listened to but cannot enjoy that privilege because it requires them to rectify their own ways. Words spoken are like a privilege, and not everyone is selected to receive them. They are said to a selective few in the hopes that they will value these thoughts from the speaker. In my case, my thoughts weren't valued, they were ignored. So consider this reader, are your thoughts in good hands?
Monday, September 5, 2011
First Day, Last Week
Endless summer nights that brought the sweetest of dreams are over and now time ceases to make people idle. A time that everyone has observed and yet children dread: School Re-Openings. The school year year has approached and is approaching for some, in a timely matter, but it asks a question annually to its attendees: Are you ready?
Being ready does not simply entail the process of being prepared physically but it requires the rigor of being prepared mentally as well. The state of the mind trains the body to assess the daily complications. Many people begin and end school on the same foot, remaining steadfast in the pursuit of no going no where. Then, there are those who begin to move forward but limit themselves and their achievements because of laziness, an infectious disease amid young people. And last, but never the least, in our society, are those who are able to stand tall and move forward because they've allowed their mind to be their guide and not their emotions. Many times, when we lean on our emotions they're the ones that hold us back the most. For example, let's say it's 12 in the morning. You've just finished all your assignments and after weeks of procrastination,you've come into grips that the assignment is due 7 hours from that time. What would you do?? Typically, sleep has already overcome you so you'd say, "Let me take a "nap" and wake up "later on" to do it". The problem with this idea is that "later on" may not happen for as long as an hour before school starts. As a result, what you FEEL allows you to be off track in your goal.
My advice to you, your first day and last week begins right now. Your first step and last trek through those halls you'll soon tread (or are treading) begins with what actions you decide to take right now. The hardest reality most people generally can't wrap their mind around is that your life is in your hands, ultimately. So where you start is exactly where you'll finish: with yourself. Now back to the original question: Are you ready? The answer ultimately lies inside of the individual whether to merely live on emotion or thrive from intelligence (your mind).
Being ready does not simply entail the process of being prepared physically but it requires the rigor of being prepared mentally as well. The state of the mind trains the body to assess the daily complications. Many people begin and end school on the same foot, remaining steadfast in the pursuit of no going no where. Then, there are those who begin to move forward but limit themselves and their achievements because of laziness, an infectious disease amid young people. And last, but never the least, in our society, are those who are able to stand tall and move forward because they've allowed their mind to be their guide and not their emotions. Many times, when we lean on our emotions they're the ones that hold us back the most. For example, let's say it's 12 in the morning. You've just finished all your assignments and after weeks of procrastination,you've come into grips that the assignment is due 7 hours from that time. What would you do?? Typically, sleep has already overcome you so you'd say, "Let me take a "nap" and wake up "later on" to do it". The problem with this idea is that "later on" may not happen for as long as an hour before school starts. As a result, what you FEEL allows you to be off track in your goal.
My advice to you, your first day and last week begins right now. Your first step and last trek through those halls you'll soon tread (or are treading) begins with what actions you decide to take right now. The hardest reality most people generally can't wrap their mind around is that your life is in your hands, ultimately. So where you start is exactly where you'll finish: with yourself. Now back to the original question: Are you ready? The answer ultimately lies inside of the individual whether to merely live on emotion or thrive from intelligence (your mind).
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